DETHRATTLE

...or the "final throws" if you will. i dont like that it's already come to this...but i spose we've been here a while...i'm reminded of that everyday as it gets colder and the chingoos and i constantly deconstruct our relationships(how they've grown/changed et.al) complications aside i love you all.

everyday i wake up in my disgusting i-house room, i'm sooo glad i'm still here because i know i wont be able to say that for much longer. i was explaining this to alex last night in a state of near-delerium(sleeps been lacking) and he was all "what makes you like this place so much?" and my answer is pretty simple, i mean i've loved everything that's happened here.

i dont want to get prematurely emotional...there will be plenty of time for that(or no time at all) later...i should be studying or at least not hermiting it up in my nasty room. i feel like im in need of some sort of catharsis; everything seems so uncertain around finals in general cause its like your entire semester reflected in the actions and decisions made in just a few days. there's even more uncertainty about getting back to new york...my living situation etc. doesn't help to get e-mails like these:

Sent
Wednesday, December 5, 2007 1:41 am
To: Angelica G Jannone agj211@nyu.edu
Subject: it's official
Ok so I feel like I have been in new york long enough say this. I hate downtown and fuck the F line. Today I wasted 1 hour. 1 hour waiting for the fucking F. Not to mention that downtown is a complete shit hole. Nothing makes sense down there. Nothing. Anything past 14th is officially dead to me. How are things with you?
Andrew Edmund
my notoriously/endearingly demi-psychotic former manager at the movie theatre....ugh, new york promises to be a challange...perhaps more than seoul ever was. i'm trying to think positively and look forward to how i'm going to change my life in so many small, yet significant ways. i want new york to have a new connotation for me.
most importantly i want VISITORS...you know who you are. make it happen. you'll know where ill be.
dammit enough bummin for now. in the meantime, CHE-IL CHINGOOS! (see above).

LOVE YOUS